Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Madonna throwing a wobbler!

Madonna recently performed at the BBC Radio One's 'Big Weekend', where she was one of the headliners of the 2-day free festival. Anyway, she acted like a bit of a diva, apparently. Whilst all the other artists were happy with the dressing rooms provided, Lady Madonna demanded not only separate dressing rooms stage side, she also demanded a complete compound for herself and her 70 people strong entourage.

She was said to have needed special Kabbalah water for all her hanger-ons, fresh fruit, tons of white roses & a private helicopter. Once the entourage arrived it turned out they had no interest in the fresh fruit or the Kabbalah water and headed straight for the alcohol and fried snacks that the other artists were having.

I have met Madonna two times over the years and I have seen her act not only like a diva, but also like a bit of a 3-year-old. I honestly have never seen another adult throw a wobbler the way like Madonna can (no wait...that's not true...Mark Wahlberg can also throw wonderfully immature wobblers...but he actually ends up destroying things in the process)

So, the first time I got introduced to Madonna I had wanted to say how much I admired and respected her, but she was so unfriendly to me that I just didn't bother. I was most disappointed.

The second time I met Madonna we were in a rather unusual place. It was 2 o'clock in the morning and we were at a candlelit dinner at Donatella Versace's house. I had no idea that that was where I was going, had I known I would not have changed back into my 'everyday clothes' after the MTV Award (I hate being uncomfortable and don't keep designer dresses on any longer than I need to)

I was with the Prodigy and thought that we were going back to the hotel or to some club or something. As we got out of the tourbus I did notice all the paparazzi, but still didn't think too much of it. It was only once I fell into a human statue inside (I was a tat drunk and there were all these half-naked painted people dotted all over the place) that I realized we weren't at the hotel.

It was the most surreal thing you could ever imagine. There were all these super-famous people sitting at candlelit tables, waiting for their 5-course dinner (remember...it was 2 o'clock in the morning!)

I was seated at a table with George Michael and his partner, Donatelle and her partner and some of the Prodigy. Madonna was at the table next to ours together with Jean Paul Gaultier and a few other people. Damon Albarn was at the next table with the guys from Massive Attack, Beyonce was there, the Sugarbabes, oh was just one big crazy celeb feast. I can't even remember half the people there. And I felt totally out of place (not only because I was the only person there wearing a jumper ; )

So anyway, Madonna kept demanding everybody's attention as she kept jumping up and shouting 'Turn the music down, turn the music down, I want to do a speech!'

She did a few of those, one of which was a speech for her bodyguard who was having his birthday. She also had a huge cake brought out for him (I have the picture somewhere, I'll try and upload it in the coming days)

Later on, at the party, I was talking to William Orbit who had just produced her album at that time. Madonna interrupted our discussion by screaming at William. I mean, the woman was throwing a complete wobbler. I don't think anyone could make any sense out of what she was on about. She ended up marching off in a huff. William didn't bat an eyelid throughout the whole thing. When I asked him what on earth that was about, he said: 'Madonna has this weird habit of claiming all the men that she works with as her own. And she hates it when any of these men that are in her circle give attention to another woman'

How freaky is that? I wonder if she is being like that to Justin Timberlake now too. Or maybe she has stopped doing this now that she's with Guy Richie. I don't know.

But anyway, if you had been thinking that she is some kind of Kabbalah-reading, balanced yogi, like a female version of Sting, you are most definitely wrong.

Still, with all she has achieved she can be as crazy as she wants to be, as far as I'm concerned. She has earned the right to be an oddball. But just don't let her fool you that she is now some kind of wholesome earth-momma, because she was already pretending to be 'balanced' when I met her. But it's her obsessive compulsive drive to be the center of the Universe that has made her the successful artist that she is. So good luck to her.